Essentialism: What Am I Actually Giving My Life To?
One Life, Fewer Things
I recently read Essentialism by Greg McKeown for the second time.
The first time I read it, I understood the idea. Do less, but better. Focus on what matters. Stop chasing everything. But reading it again hit me differently because I’m in a different place now. I’m not just thinking about productivity. I’m thinking about what I actually want my life to look like.
The question I keep coming back to is simple, but hard:
What actually deserves my time?
That’s really what this is about. It’s not about being lazy. It’s not about doing nothing. It’s about looking at your life honestly and asking whether the things you’re giving your time, energy, and emotion to are actually building the life you say you want.
The basic idea of Essentialism is doing less, but better. That sounds simple when you hear it, but it gets complicated fast because most of us are not choosing between good and bad. Most of the time, the hard decisions are between good and better. Or good and not right now. Or good, but not worth the cost.
That’s where I think essentialism becomes useful. It gives you a way to stop asking, “Can I fit this in?” and start asking, “Does this actually belong?” Because those are different questions. “Can I fit this in?” usually leads to a more crowded life. “Does this belong?” forces you to be more honest.
Every Yes Has a Cost
Every yes has a cost.
Sometimes that cost is obvious. Money. Time. Energy. Gas. Scheduling. But a lot of the time, the real cost is harder to see. It costs focus. It costs recovery. It costs patience. It costs your attention. It costs your emotional bandwidth. It costs your ability to go deeper into the things that actually matter.
A lot of people, including me, can fit more into their life. That doesn’t mean they should.
I don’t want a life full of things I technically had room for. I want a life built around the things I actually care about. Essentialism is not just about making a prettier schedule. It is about deciding what gets your best energy.
Essentialism as a Business Owner
One area where I’ve had to learn this the hard way is Karate RX.
When I first opened my own gym, I used to spend basically every day there from 10 AM to 9 PM. Part of that was because I cared. But part of it was also because that is what I had done at my old job. I had inherited that rhythm and just kept living by it, even though I was now the owner and had the ability to build something different.
At the time, my emotional health lived and died based on the gym. If members joined, I felt good. If members quit, I felt terrible. If everyone’s karate looked sharp, I felt like I was doing a good job. If the classes looked rough, I took it personally. If a parent was upset, it would deeply hurt me.
And I understand why. Karate RX matters to me. I care about the kids. I care about the quality. I care about the culture. But there is a difference between caring deeply and letting every single thing emotionally control you.
That’s where essentialism has helped me grow as a business owner. I’ve gotten better at offloading admin tasks to my virtual assistant. I’ve gotten better at not treating every small issue like it requires my full emotional involvement. And I’ve gotten better at simply telling people no.
Not aggressively. Not dramatically. Just no.
That matters because if I am emotionally available to every possible problem, opinion, complaint, misunderstanding, and preference, then I do not have enough left for the things only I can actually do. My job is to lead the gym. It is not to absorb every emotional reaction that happens around the gym.
That has been a big shift for me. When you care about something, it can feel like caring means carrying all of it. But I don’t think that is true anymore. Caring does not mean I have to be consumed by it. Caring does not mean every decision someone else makes has to become my emotional emergency.
Boundaries, Parents, and Leadership
A big part of this has been learning that I do not have to argue with everyone.
If someone lets their kid quit when they are close to black belt, okay. I’m not going to tell them I agree with the decision if I don’t. I’m not going to pretend I think it’s a good idea if I don’t. But I’m also not going to argue with people anymore.
At some point, people are allowed to make their choices. I can care. I can give guidance. I can be honest. But I do not have to chase people into making the decision I think they should make.
The same thing applies to ranks and stripes. If I’m right, I’m going to hold my ground. I am not going to hand out ranks just because someone is upset or because it would be easier in the moment. Standards matter.
But if I make a mistake, I apologize, fix it, and move on.
And the difference is important. I’m not apologizing because I can’t stand the idea of someone not liking me. I’m apologizing because I genuinely believe I made a mistake.
That is a much cleaner way to live.
Hold your ground when you’re right. Fix it when you’re wrong. Stop trying to manage everyone’s opinion of you.
A Simple No
Another practical version of this is invitations.
If I’m invited to something I don’t want to go to, the answer is no. Very simple.
I don’t need to create a fake excuse. I don’t need to make it a whole emotional thing. I don’t need to over-explain why I can’t go. If I don’t want to go, and it does not align with what I need in my life right now, the answer can just be no.
That might sound harsh to some people, but I actually think it is cleaner.
A fake yes creates resentment. A fake yes wastes time. A fake yes makes you less honest with other people and with yourself. A clear no protects the things you actually care about.
And that does not mean you never do things for other people. It does not mean you become selfish or unavailable. It just means you stop pretending every invitation deserves the same level of access to your life.
Some things are a yes. Some things are a no. And the more honest I get about that, the less cluttered life feels.
A Small Example: Video Games
A simple example for me is video games.
I play Helldivers 2 because it gives me what I actually want from gaming right now. It’s fun. I can play with friends. I can jump in without feeling like I need to study the game. It gives me a way to relax and connect with people.
That is what I want gaming to be in my life.
Recently, I tried getting back into Apex Legends. Apex is a good game. I’m not knocking it. But I realized pretty quickly that to actually enjoy it, I would have to invest a lot of time into getting good again.
I’d have to learn the meta. Get my aim back. Lose a bunch while I knocked the rust off. Keep playing consistently so I didn’t feel terrible every time I logged on.
On my third night of playing it consecutively - I had to ask myself:
Do I actually want to give this game that much of my life?
And the answer was no. So I deleted it from my console.
That’s not some dramatic life-changing decision, but I think that’s what essentialism looks like most of the time. Small choices that add up and reduce clutter.
I didn’t need a complex rule. I just needed to recognize that I already had one game that gave me what I wanted without asking for more than I wanted to give.
That is a small example, but I think small examples matter because they are usually where you can make meaningful change the easiest. It is easy to say you want a simpler life. It is harder to look at the little things that keep pulling at your attention and actually remove one.
The Bigger Question: Jiu-Jitsu
The bigger version of this for me right now is Jiu-Jitsu.
I’ve trained Jiu-Jitsu for about four years. I’m glad I did. It made me a better martial artist. It gave me a better understanding of grappling. It exposed holes that karate alone would not have shown me. I do not see those years as wasted.
But lately I’ve been contemplating my future with the sport, and contemplating quitting. It takes 4 hours of my week, every week.
What do I actually want to do with that time and energy?
Do I put that time deeper into karate? Do I use it to make Karate RX better? Do I start Muay Thai and build my striking the same way Jiu-Jitsu helped me build my grappling? Do I put more time into calisthenics and keep chasing skills like the front lever and handstand push-up?
The annoying part is that all of those options make sense.
If one of them was obviously stupid, this would be easy. But it’s not.
Because the hard part is not always choosing between a good thing and a bad thing. Sometimes the hard part is admitting that a good thing may not be the right thing anymore. Or it may not be the right thing this year. Or it may need to change form.
That is what I’m trying to figure out.
Purple Belt and the Black Belt Question
Another layer is that I’m already a purple belt.
So there’s an obvious path in front of me if I want it. Keep showing up. Keep training. Eventually work toward a black belt.
And I respect that. A black belt in Jiu-Jitsu means something.
But this is also where the decision gets uncomfortable, because if I quit Jiu-Jitsu at purple belt, part of me feels like I look like a hypocrite. I own a martial arts gym. I talk to students and parents all the time about commitment, discipline, perseverance, and not quitting when things get hard. So if I stop before earning a black belt, there is a part of me that worries people could look at that and think, “You didn’t finish either.”
That thought bothers me.
But I also have to be honest about the difference between quitting because something got hard and choosing not to keep investing years of my life into something that may no longer fit. Those are not the same thing.
I do not want to keep training Jiu-Jitsu only because the “finish line” is to get a black belt. That’s not enough by itself.
I don’t want to chase a belt just because quitting would make the story feel unfinished. I don’t want to keep giving years of my life to something only because it would make the outside version of the story look cleaner.
That’s a hard thing to admit because there is part of me that likes completion. I like progress. I like earning things. I also care about not being full of crap when I talk to my own students about commitment.
Is this still aligned, or am I just afraid of looking like I didn’t finish?
Because if I am honest, there are a lot of things in life people keep doing because they are already halfway there. They already spent the time. They already built the identity. They already told people they were doing it.
But “I already started” is not always a good enough reason to keep going.
Sometimes it is. Sometimes finishing is the right thing. But sometimes continuing is just fear of the story looking messy. And I don’t want to make decisions based only on making the story look clean.
“Can I Fit This In?” Is the Wrong Question
The question I ask too often is:
Can I fit this in?
Can I still train Jiu-Jitsu? Can I add Muay Thai? Can I train calisthenics hard? Can I run Karate RX? Can I build Average Ninja? Can I still have time with Kash? Can I keep up with the house? Can I relax? Can I recover?
The answer might technically be yes, but at some point if you keep adding thins to your plate, it’s not possible anymore.
A better question is:
What does this replace?
If I add Muay Thai, what does it replace? If I spend more time training karate, what does it replace? If I dive deeper into calisthenics, what does it replace? If I say yes to another project, what does it replace?
That question makes the decision more honest because nothing is free. Everything takes space from something else.
And that is the part we do not always want to admit. We like to act like new commitments only cost us the exact amount of time they take. But that is not true. They cost transition time. They cost recovery. They cost attention. They cost decision-making. They cost the ability to be fully present somewhere else.
So I’m trying to stop asking whether I can technically fit something in, and start asking whether it deserves to replace whatever it will inevitably take from.
2026 - My Year Of Simplifying
For me, 2026 is about simplifying everything. Not what the most ambitious version of me would try to force into the schedule.
I’ve already done the version of life where I try to become the most productive human on planet Earth. I can do it. I can build the systems, stack the habits, track everything, and get a ridiculous amount done. But that version of life is hard to sustain, and it creates a lot of anxiety.
At some point, I do not want my life to be impressive from the outside if it feels chaotic on the inside.
That is why this year is not about adding more. It is about cutting things down. Cutting down on supplements instead of constantly adding another thing that might help by two percent. Building systems that make life easier instead of relying on motivation. Creating long-lasting assets instead of constantly starting from zero.
That applies to Karate RX. It applies to Average Ninja. It applies to my training. It applies to my finances. It applies to my health.
Karate RX matters. My own training matters. My relationship matters. My health matters. My finances matter. Average Ninja matters, but only if it becomes a long-term asset and not another thing that makes my life feel cluttered.
That is my filter for 2026:
Does this simplify my life?
Does this build a system?
Does this create something long-lasting?
Does this make me better at the things I already said matter?
If the answer is no, it probably does not belong this year.
Busy vs. Disciplined
Busy can look like discipline from the outside, but they are not the same thing.
Busy fills a life.
Discipline builds one.
You can be busy with things that don’t actually matter. You can be busy reacting. Busy maintaining old commitments. Busy chasing things that used to make sense. Busy proving something to people who are not living your life.
Discipline should be more intentional than that.
Real discipline is not just doing more. Sometimes discipline is stopping. Sometimes discipline is saying no. Sometimes discipline is building a system that protects you from needing to be superhuman all the time.
That is the kind of discipline I’m more interested in now.
I want discipline that makes my life better, not discipline that turns my life into a pressure cooker.
What I Want Instead
What I want is for my time to go toward things that compound.
I want to become a better coach. I want Karate RX to become a stronger gym. I want my body to keep getting stronger and more capable. I want to keep building calisthenics skills that actually mean something to me. I want my relationship to get real attention, not whatever energy is left over. I want Average Ninja to be honest and useful, not another thing I constantly feel behind on.
I want leisure that actually restores me. I want training that actually supports the person I’m trying to become. I want fewer things done better.
That’s the whole point.
And I think this is where essentialism becomes less about cutting things and more about choosing things properly. The goal is not to make life empty. The goal is to make more room for the things that are actually worth building.
Practical Questions to Ask Yourself
Here are a few questions I think are worth asking.
What are you doing only because it used to make sense?
That could be a hobby, a goal, a commitment, a relationship pattern, a schedule, or even an identity. For me, spending 10 AM to 9 PM at the gym used to feel normal because that was the rhythm I came from. But just because something used to be normal does not mean it should remain the standard.
What are you keeping alive just because you already spent time on it?
That’s the sunk cost problem. Just because something mattered for four years does not mean it automatically deserves the next four.
What do you keep saying yes to because you technically can?
That’s where life gets cluttered. Not from one giant bad decision, but from a hundred small yeses that slowly crowd out the important stuff.
Where are you letting other people’s emotions control your life?
That might be customers, parents, students, family, friends, or people online. Caring about people does not mean their reaction gets to run your life.
What would you choose if you were starting from zero today?
That question cuts through a lot of noise.
What does the person you want to become need more of?
More recovery? More focus? More training? More time with family? More quiet? More depth? More courage to say no?
That is probably where the next decision is hiding.
And for me, I would add one more:
What is this year actually about?
For me, 2026 is about simplifying everything, building systems, and creating things that last. That one filter makes a lot of decisions easier.
Closing Reflection
I don’t think essentialism is about doing nothing. It’s not about being lazy. It’s not about shrinking your life until nothing is left.
It’s about making room.
Room for mastery. Room for better training. Room for recovery. Room for your relationship. Room for work that matters. Room for a life that does not constantly feel like it needs to be escaped from.
That’s what I want.
Not more random commitments. Not more half-started hobbies. Not more goals that sound good but don’t actually fit. Not a business that owns every part of my emotional life. Not a schedule built around proving I care by being exhausted.
I want a life where the things I say matter are actually getting my best energy.
Maybe that starts smaller than we want to admit.
Delete the game. Say no to the extra thing. Stop forcing old commitments to stay alive. Let people make their choices. Hold your standards. Fix your mistakes. Choose what this year is actually about.
For me, 2026 is not about adding more. It is about simplifying everything, building systems, and creating things that last.
One life.
Fewer things.
Done better.
Resources to Learn More About Essentialism
If this idea connects with you, the best place to start is Greg McKeown’s book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. That is the book that gave me the clearest language for this idea of doing fewer things, but doing them with more intention.
Book: Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown
1. The Tim Ferriss Show — Greg McKeown: How to Master Essentialism
A strong starting point if you want a deeper conversation around the core ideas of essentialism.
2. Modern Wisdom — Greg McKeown: Essentialism Explained
A clear conversation about focusing on what matters, avoiding the trivial many, and choosing the vital few.
3. The Tim Ferriss Show — Tactics and Strategies for a 2025 Reboot
A newer conversation that connects essentialism to modern life, attention, and simplifying what actually matters.
4. The School of Greatness — The Secret to Effortless Productivity & Overcoming Overwhelm
A helpful follow-up if you want to think about what is essential and how to make what matters feel less forced.
5. Coaching for Leaders — See What Really Matters, with Greg McKeown
A useful episode for applying essentialism to leadership, decision-making, and work.