Essentialism: What Am I Actually Giving My Life To?
I’ve been thinking a lot about essentialism lately, not in the fake productivity way where people try to turn every second of their life into some optimized machine, but in the more honest sense of asking what actually deserves my time. Greg McKeown’s book Essentialism is built around the idea of doing less, but better. That sounds simple when you say it out loud, but it gets harder when the things you’re cutting out aren’t obviously bad.
It’s easy to say no to something that is clearly wasting your life. It is much harder to say no to something that is fun, useful, familiar, or connected to a version of yourself that used to make sense. That is the part I keep running into. Most of the decisions I am wrestling with are not between good and bad. They are between good and better, or good and not right now.
One of the biggest lies I tell myself is, “I can fit this in.” Technically, that might be true. I can fit in another hobby, another training goal, another project, another show, another game, another class, or another commitment. But just because something can fit into my schedule does not mean it belongs in my life. That is a different question, and it is the question I am trying to ask more often.
Every yes has a cost. Sometimes that cost is obvious, like money, time, gas, or energy. Other times it is harder to see. It costs focus. It costs recovery. It costs patience. It costs mental space. It costs attention that could have gone somewhere better. I do not want a life full of things I technically had room for. I want a life that is actually built around the things I care about.
A small example for me is video games. I play Helldivers 2 because it gives me what I actually want from gaming right now. It is fun, I can jump in without feeling like I need to study the game, and I have friends who play it. It gives me a way to relax and still connect with people. That is the role I want video games to play in my life.
Then I tried getting back into Apex Legends. Apex is a good game, but I pretty quickly realized that to enjoy it, I would have to invest a lot of time into getting good again. I would have to learn the meta, get my aim back, lose a bunch while I knocked the rust off, and keep playing consistently just to not feel terrible at it. Eventually I had to ask myself, “Do I actually want to give this game that much of my life?” The answer was no.
So I deleted it from my console. That is not some huge life-changing decision, but honestly, that might be what essentialism looks like most of the time. Small removals. Cleaner choices. Less noise. I did not need to make a dramatic rule about gaming. I just needed to recognize that I already had one game that gave me what I wanted without asking for more than I wanted to give.
The bigger version of this for me right now is Jiu-Jitsu. I have trained Jiu-Jitsu for about four years, and I am glad I did. It made me a better martial artist. It gave me a better understanding of grappling. It helped me see holes in my training that karate alone would not have exposed. I do not see those four years as wasted at all.
But now there have been issues that made me decide I cannot keep training at the same gym I have been at. That puts me in a weird spot where I have to ask what I actually want to do with that time and energy now. Do I find another Jiu-Jitsu gym? Do I put that time deeper into my own karate training? Do I use it to make Karate RX better? Do I start Muay Thai so I can build my striking the same way Jiu-Jitsu helped me build my grappling? Do I put that time into calisthenics and keep chasing skills like the front lever and handstand push-up?
Part of what makes that question uncomfortable is that I am already a purple belt. There is an obvious path in front of me if I want it: keep training, keep showing up, and eventually work toward a black belt. There is value in that, and I respect it. But I also do not want to keep training Jiu-Jitsu only because “the next thing” is to get a black belt. A black belt is meaningful, but it is not a good enough reason by itself to keep giving years of my life to something if the training environment, timing, or purpose no longer fits. I do not want to chase a belt just because quitting would make the story feel unfinished.
The annoying part is that all of those options make sense. If one option was obviously stupid, this would be easy. But essentialism is not usually about choosing between one clearly good thing and one clearly bad thing. It is about being honest enough to admit that some good things still may not belong in this season.
The question I ask too often is, “Can I fit this in?” Can I still train Jiu-Jitsu? Can I add Muay Thai? Can I train calisthenics hard? Can I run Karate RX? Can I build Average Ninja? Can I still have time with Kash, keep up with the house, relax, and recover? The answer might technically be yes, but that does not mean the answer should be yes.
A better question is, “What does this replace?” If I add Muay Thai, what does it replace? If I find a new Jiu-Jitsu gym, what does it replace? If I spend more time training karate, what does it replace? If I dive deeper into calisthenics, what does it replace? That question makes the decision more honest because nothing is free. Everything takes space from something else.
I think part of essentialism is admitting what season you are actually in. Not the season you wish you were in, and not the season that sounds impressive, but the real one. For me, I do not think this is a season of adding a bunch of new things. I think it is a season of refinement. Karate RX matters. My own training matters. My relationship matters. My health matters. My finances matter. Average Ninja matters too, but only if it stays sustainable and does not become another thing that makes my life feel cluttered.
That is hard for me because I like doing a lot of things. I like martial arts. I like calisthenics. I like learning. I like building systems. I like starting projects. But liking something does not automatically mean it deserves a place in my life right now. I do not need more goals just to feel productive. I need fewer things getting more of my actual attention.
I do not think the goal is to cut things just to cut them. That can become its own weird obsession. The goal is to cut the things that create noise and replace them with things that build the person I actually want to become. For me, that might mean deleting games that require more investment than I want to give, reducing commitments that drain me without giving enough back, not chasing every martial art at the same time, and not turning Average Ninja into a content treadmill.
It also means not confusing being busy with being disciplined. That one hits me because busy can look like discipline from the outside, but they are not the same thing. Discipline should build a life. Busy just fills one.
What I want is for my time to go toward things that compound. I want to become a better coach. I want Karate RX to become a stronger gym. I want my body to keep getting stronger and more capable. I want to keep building calisthenics skills that actually mean something to me. I want my relationship to get real attention, not whatever energy is left over. I want Average Ninja to be honest and useful, not another thing I constantly feel behind on.
Right now, the big question is what to do with the time and energy that used to go toward Jiu-Jitsu. I do not think I have to rush that answer, but I do need to be honest about it. I do not want to pick something just because it sounds cool. I do not want to keep doing something just because I already spent four years doing it. I do not want to keep training just because a black belt would make the story look cleaner from the outside. I do not want to add something new just because I am uncomfortable with empty space.
The questions I need to ask are simple, but not easy. Will this make me a better martial artist? Will this make me a better coach? Will this make Karate RX better? Will this support my health and recovery? Will this make my life calmer or more cluttered? Will I still be glad I chose this a year from now?
That feels like a better filter.
I do not think essentialism is about being lazy or shrinking your life until nothing is left. It is about making room for the right things. Room for mastery. Room for better training. Room for recovery. Room for your relationship. Room for work that matters. Room for a life that does not constantly feel like it needs to be escaped from.
That is what I want. Not more random commitments. Not more half-started hobbies. Not more goals that sound good but do not actually fit. I want a life where the things I say matter are actually getting my best energy.
Maybe that starts smaller than we want to admit. Delete the game. Say no to the extra thing. Stop forcing old commitments to stay alive. Choose the season you are in. Replace noise with something meaningful.
One life. Fewer things. Done better.
Resources to Learn More About Essentialism
If this idea connects with you, the best place to start is Greg McKeown’s book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. That is the book that gave me the clearest language for this idea of doing fewer things, but doing them with more intention.
Book: Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown
1. The Tim Ferriss Show — Greg McKeown: How to Master Essentialism
A strong starting point if you want a deeper conversation around the core ideas of essentialism.
2. Modern Wisdom — Greg McKeown: Essentialism Explained
A clear conversation about focusing on what matters, avoiding the trivial many, and choosing the vital few.
3. The Tim Ferriss Show — Tactics and Strategies for a 2025 Reboot
A newer conversation that connects essentialism to modern life, attention, and simplifying what actually matters.
4. The School of Greatness — The Secret to Effortless Productivity & Overcoming Overwhelm
A helpful follow-up if you want to think about what is essential and how to make what matters feel less forced.
5. Coaching for Leaders — See What Really Matters, with Greg McKeown
A useful episode for applying essentialism to leadership, decision-making, and work.